One Liners

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving isn’t for you.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember half the people you know are below average.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

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I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I intend to live forever – so far so good.

Borrow money from a pessimist – they don’t expect it back.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

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