Two dumb guys were doing construction on a house. The guy who was nailing down siding would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, and then either toss it over his shoulder or nail it into the siding.
The other guy saw him tossing all the nails over his shoulder and asked, “Why are you throwing those nails away?”
The first guy said, “If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it’s pointed towards me, I throw it away ’cause it’s defective. If it’s pointed toward the house, then I nail it into the siding.”
The second guy was outraged. He yelled, “You idiot! The nails pointed towards you aren’t defective! They’re for the other side of the house!”
Just Plane Nuts
While cruising at 40,000 feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. “Good lord!” he screamed, “one of the engines just blew up!”
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The passengers were in a panic now, and even the stewardesses couldn’t maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling confidently, the pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone that there was nothing to worry about.
His words and his demeanor seemed to make most of the passengers feel better, and they sat down as the pilot calmly walked to the door of the aircraft. There, he grabbed several packages from under the seats and began handing them to the flight attendants.
Each crew member attached the package to their backs.
“Say,” spoke up an alert passenger, “aren’t those parachutes?”
The pilot said they were. The passenger went on, “But I thought you said there was nothing to worry about?”
“There isn’t,” replied the pilot as a third engine exploded. “We’re going to get help.”