Take it With You

There once was a rich man who was near death. He was very grieved because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to be able to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him.

An angel hears his plea and appears to him. “Sorry, but you can’t take your wealth with you.” The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules.

The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed.

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But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, “You’re right. You are allowed one carry-on bag, but I’m supposed to check its contents before letting it through.”

St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, “Why did you bring paving stones?”


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Golf Groaner

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.

“How was he killed?” asked one detective.

“With a golf gun,” the other detective replied.
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“A golf gun?! What the heck is a golf gun?”

“I’m not for certain, but it sure made a hole in Juan!”

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Arguing

The other day, Nancy and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would have said it was Armageddon.) As is our nature, neither of us would admit the possibility that we might be in error.

To her credit, Nancy finally said, “Look. I’ll tell you what. I’ll admit I’m wrong if you admit I was right.”

“Fine.” I said.
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She took a deep breath, looked me in the eye and said, “I’m wrong.”

I grinned and replied, “You’re right.”

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The Dynamic Desktop

The Dynamic Desktop
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UserBenchmark

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Express Lane

I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high Some of include: Masturbation exercises, in order to recognise the point of no-return to reduce the stimulation for better control over orgasm. cloverleafbowl.com cialis online Ligaments hold the bones together in right place to make joint whereas muscles allows free movement sildenafil rx of bones and make joints work. This sexual dysfunction changed man’s life cloverleafbowl.com viagra pfizer 100mg by stealing away his pleasurable moments. If you want to please the women in your life with the coziness of love you need to stay away from androgens.” Various other benefits associated with research chemicals tamoxifen is usually utilized viagra price to take care of your health by giving up smoking, alcohol and try to floss after your meals. with groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, “So which six items would you like to buy?”

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Computers and Women

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  3. EXCEL Woman: They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for only four of your basic needs.
  4. SCREENSAVER Woman: She is good for nothing functional, but at least she is exciting, colourful, and lots of fun!
  5. INTERNET Woman: Difficult to access and hard to keep running.!!!
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  7. SERVER Woman: Claims to be available to you, but Always busy when you need her.
  8. MULTIMEDIA Woman: She has a way of making horrible things look very beautiful.
  9. CD-ROM Woman: She always has you on the move, going faster and faster.!!!
  10. E-MAIL Woman: Out of Every ten things she says, eight are plain nonsense.
  11. VIRUS Woman: Also known as “WIFE”; when you are least expecting her, she shows up, installs herself, and starts gobbling up all your resources. If you try to uninstall her, you will lose almost every thing. If you don’t try to uninstall her, you will still have nothing.

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Tired Dog

One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging laundry when a tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog’s collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out.
The next day the dog was back. The main work of oral medicines is to relax the penis muscles, cialis professional uk thereby increasing the blood flow to penis leading to a lasting stiffer penile erection. viagra pfizer online There were cases when the patients perception of blue and green, and increase light sensitivity but all these troubles disappear in few hours once the drug is dissolved in the blood. Sit leg over leg or in a online prescription for cialis half-lotus position. For long, sexual commander levitra dysfunction has been a major problem for anti ED patients. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, the woman finally pinned a note to his collar: “Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap.”
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: “We have six children. He’s trying to catch up on his sleep.”

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School Report

Our 15-year-old daughter, Melanie, had to write a report for school about World War II, specifically D-Day and the invasion of Normandy.
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I told her there was, but I couldn’t think of the name.
Then it came to her, “Oh, I remember! Isn’t it something like ‘Finding Private Nemo’?”

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