Rumours

5th and 6th grade responses to science questions on tests:

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.

Genetics explains why you look like your father, and if you don’t, why you should.

Vacuums are nothings.  We only mention them to let them know we know they’re there.

The cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

Water vapor gets together in a cloud.  When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

Mushrooms always grow in damp places, which is why they look like umbrellas.

Momentum is something you give a person when they go away.
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A monsoon is a French gentleman.

The word “trousers” is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.

To keep milk from turning sour, keep it in the cow.

When planets run around and around in circles, we say they are orbiting. When people do it, we say they are crazy.

For asphyxiation, apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

One of the main causes of dust is janitors.

An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor’s kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out, “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

Boy yells back, “Roll of chicken wire.”

Old man says, “What you gonna do with that?”

Boy says, “Gonna catch some chickens.”

Old man yells, “You damn fool, you can’t catch chickens with chicken wire!”

Boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man’s surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand.

Old man yells out, “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

Boy yells back, “Roll of duck tape.”
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Old man says, “What you gonna do with that?”

Boy says back, “Gonna catch me some ducks.”

Old man yells back, “You damn fool, you can’t catch ducks with duck tape!”

Boy just laughs and keeps walking.

That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man’s amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end.

Old man says, “Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

Boy says “It’s a pussy willow.”

Old man says, “Wait up…. I’ll get my hat!”

Mr. Smith asked his wife for advice about his upcoming court case in which he could possibly win $50,000 from the insurance company. “Honey, if I lie, I’ll win the case. But then I would have broken an oath sworn on the Holy Bible.”

His wife says, “I don’t want to advise you to do the wrong thing, but . . .”

“But, what?”

“Let me put it this way,” his wife explained. “Treat the prosecuting attorney like I treat you in bed.”
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Puzzled, Mr. Smith asks, “How so?”

Mrs. Smith replies, “Just lie there ’til he goes away.”

A blonde and her brunette friend were talking, when the blonde said, “I hate all the blonde jokes people tell.”

“Oh, they are only jokes. There are a lot of stupid people out there. Here, I’ll prove it to you.”

They went outside and hailed a taxi driver.

“Please take me to 29 Nickel Street to see if I’m home,” said the brunette.
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The taxi drove them to Nickel Street, and when they finally got out, the brunette looked at the blonde and said, “See! That guy was really stupid.”

“No kidding,” replied the blonde. “There was a pay phone just around the corner. You could have called instead.”

A few years ago the battery in my beat up Volkswagen Beetle had died because I’d left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work, so I ran into the house to get my girlfriend to give me a hand to start the car.

I told her to start our second car, a big old monster sized gas guzzler.  I told her we’re going to use the big car to push the bug fast enough to start it.  I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission (a rare one, indeed), it needed to be pushed at least 30 miles per hour for it to start.

She got in the car and drove off.

Drove off?  What the hell was she doing?

These unbelievable narratives inspired the nickname “Wacko Jacko” although Michael would browse this miamistonecrabs.com cheap cialis eventually despise the nickname. While this in itself isn’t a bad thing if the generic version is legit, many acquisition de viagra times scams are created that sell fake medication to unknowing patients. Many people do not want people to know they are suffering from ED. cialis viagra cheap is their right hand and greatly helps them. You’ll see results immediately after taking a Kamagra 100 mg tablet, offers the same effectiveness of http://miamistonecrabs.com/viagra-8388 cheapest viagra it treats prolonged ED issues with very gentle care. I was waiting in the bug, getting impatient. After a moment I looked in the rear view mirror.

She was coming at me at about 40 miles per hour.

I suddenly realized I should have been a little bit clearer with my instructions . . .