Acura Integra: I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.
Acura Legend: I’m too bland for German cars.
Acura NSX: I am impotent.
Audi 90: I enjoy putting out engine fires.
Buick Park Avenue: I am older than 34 of the 50 states.
Cadillac Eldorado: I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.
Cadillac Seville: I am a pimp.
Chevrolet Camaro: I enjoy beating the hell out of people.
Chevrolet Chevette: I like seeing people’s reactions when I tell them have a ‘Vette.
Chevrolet Corvette: I’m in a mid-life crisis.
Chevrolet El Camino: I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.
Chrysler Cordoba: I dig the rich Corinthian leather.
Datsun 280Z: I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.
Dodge Dart: I teach third grade special education, and I voted for Eisenhower.
Dodge Daytona: I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.
Ferrari Testarossa: I am known to prematurely ejaculate.
Ford Explorer: I will not be caught dead in a mini van.
Ford Fairmont: (See Dodge Dart).
Ford Mustang: I slow down to 85 in school zones.
Ford Crown Victoria: I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.
Geo Storm: I will start the 11th grade in the fall.
Geo Tracker: I will start the 12th grade in the fall.
Honda del Sol: I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.
Honda Civic: I have just graduated and have no credit.
Honda Accord: I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.
Infiniti Q45: I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.
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Jaguar XJ6: I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.
Kia Sephia: I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.
Lamborghini Countach: I only have one testicle.
Lincoln Town Car: I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.
Mercury Grand Marquis: (See above).
Mercedes 500SL: I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.
Mercedes 560SEL: I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.
Mazda Miata: I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.
MGB: I am dating a mechanic.
Mitsubishi Diamante: I don’t know what it means either.
Nissan 300ZX: I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.
Oldsmobile Cutlass: I just stole this car and I’m going to make a fortune off the parts.
Peugeot 505 Diesel: I am on the EPA’s Ten Most Wanted List.
Plymouth Neon: I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.
Pontiac Trans AM: I have a switchblade in my sock.
Porsche 911 Turbo: I have a three inch thingie.
Porsche 944: I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.
Rolls Royce Silver Shadow: I think Pat Buchanon is a tad bit too liberal.
Saturn SC2: (See Honda Civic).
Subaru Legacy: I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu.
Toyota Camry: I am still in the closet.
Volkswagon Beetle: I still watch Partridge Family reruns.
Volkswagon Cabriolet: I am out of the closet.
Volkswagon Microbus: I am tripping right now.
Volvo 740 Wagon: I am frightened of my wife.