What Your Car Says About You…

Acura Integra: I have always wanted to own the Buick of sports cars.

Acura Legend: I’m too bland for German cars.

Acura NSX: I am impotent.

Audi 90: I enjoy putting out engine fires.

Buick Park Avenue: I am older than 34 of the 50 states.

Cadillac Eldorado: I am a very good Mary Kay salesman.

Cadillac Seville: I am a pimp.

Chevrolet Camaro: I enjoy beating the hell out of people.

Chevrolet Chevette: I like seeing people’s reactions when I tell them have a ‘Vette.

Chevrolet Corvette: I’m in a mid-life crisis.

Chevrolet El Camino: I am leading a militia to overthrow the government.

Chrysler Cordoba: I dig the rich Corinthian leather.

Datsun 280Z: I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well.

Dodge Dart: I teach third grade special education, and I voted for Eisenhower.

Dodge Daytona: I delivered pizza for four years to get this car.

Ferrari Testarossa: I am known to prematurely ejaculate.

Ford Explorer: I will not be caught dead in a mini van.

Ford Fairmont: (See Dodge Dart).

Ford Mustang: I slow down to 85 in school zones.

Ford Crown Victoria: I enjoy having people slow to 55 mph and change lanes when I pull up behind them.

Geo Storm: I will start the 11th grade in the fall.

Geo Tracker: I will start the 12th grade in the fall.

Honda del Sol: I have always said, half a convertible is better than no convertible at all.

Honda Civic: I have just graduated and have no credit.

Honda Accord: I lack any originality and am basically a lemming.

Infiniti Q45: I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending.

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Jaguar XJ6: I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year.

Kia Sephia: I learned nothing from the failure of Daihatsu Corp.

Lamborghini Countach: I only have one testicle.

Lincoln Town Car: I live for bingo and covered dish suppers.

Mercury Grand Marquis: (See above).

Mercedes 500SL: I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph.

Mercedes 560SEL: I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole.

Mazda Miata: I do not fear being decapitated by an eighteen-wheeler.

MGB: I am dating a mechanic.

Mitsubishi Diamante: I don’t know what it means either.

Nissan 300ZX: I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings.

Oldsmobile Cutlass: I just stole this car and I’m going to make a fortune off the parts.

Peugeot 505 Diesel: I am on the EPA’s Ten Most Wanted List.

Plymouth Neon: I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena.

Pontiac Trans AM: I have a switchblade in my sock.

Porsche 911 Turbo: I have a three inch thingie.

Porsche 944: I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me.

Rolls Royce Silver Shadow: I think Pat Buchanon is a tad bit too liberal.

Saturn SC2: (See Honda Civic).

Subaru Legacy: I have always wanted a Japanese car even more inferior than Isuzu.

Toyota Camry: I am still in the closet.

Volkswagon Beetle: I still watch Partridge Family reruns.

Volkswagon Cabriolet: I am out of the closet.

Volkswagon Microbus: I am tripping right now.

Volvo 740 Wagon: I am frightened of my wife.

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